College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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