sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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