when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
