Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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