Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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