You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
