Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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