Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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