i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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