If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize