I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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