I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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