Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
