he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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