Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
