just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
