My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
