I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
