Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
