I need help removing her.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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