take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize