if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
