have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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