apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You are the jesus of drinking
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated