i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
