so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
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I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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