nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
