he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
