Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
