hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
