She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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