She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
