well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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