well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
