i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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