I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
