big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
