grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The ass gains better be worth it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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