well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
