did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
