I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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