For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
