we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want nice things and good sex
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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