you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
