So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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