did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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