She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
