So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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