i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
