He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
