So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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