Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
