Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Bring me that man meat
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
