I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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