Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
