So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
