It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
