Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you had me at cake vodka
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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