I will die if light touches me.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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