God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
