and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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