Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
