I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
