smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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