when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
