I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
