He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
