I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
