I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
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