I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
