she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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