So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
